Why in football are penalties kicked from 11 metres away? Why not kick them from five metres from the goal? There would be more goals, more enthusiasm, more children playing football and more business!
Why not allow in football, when you can’t connect the ball with your foot or head in front of the goal, for the hand to come into action? It would be like Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ in Mexico 86, one of the most famous stories of all time! More goals, more enthusiasm, more children playing football and more business!
Why do they only play 11 against 11 in football? With all the players sitting on the substitutes bench, eager to play… What if they all came on to play, with the exception of the substitute goalkeepers? More goals, more enthusiasm, more children playing football and more business!
It must be because football is run by old men who are afraid to change. The clear proof of this is that Gianni Infantino is bald. An old man.
Absurdity is sometimes the best way to digest absurdity. In this case, that of Gerard Piqué, a former footballer who ruined the Davis Cup – with the invaluable collaboration of the International Tennis Federation (ITF) – and is now launching proposals to ruin the whole of tennis.
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You can’t deny Piqué ambition. Thirteen years ago the Spanish newspaper ‘El País’ wrote that he ‘has an IQ of 140’.
In the same article, the journalist Luis Martín wrote the following: ‘His self-confidence is such that it sometimes borders on audacity: in Zurich, before the Ballon d’Or gala, he challenged the FIFA-Pro. world champion He lost, of course, as he tends to do every time he plays frontón (a Basque sport similar to squash) with Sissoko or padel with his father: ‘He thinks he could beat Nadal, but he’s terrible with the racket’, they say in the family’.
He’s terrible with a tennis racket, they said in his family. Perhaps this explains why Piqué wonders why there are two serves in tennis, argues that the tennis court is too big and that several paddle or pickleball courts could fit on it, or questions the equalised games that last for five uncertain minutes.
What Piqué should do is reform football. Succeed Infantino, taking advantage of the fact that he does have a full head of hair and could never be labelled ‘old’.
Piqué, go home.
